Clearing out what no longer makes your heart sing

September 9, 2015

 

 

This Soul Incantation just seemed so ready to be activated today! 

 

If you, like I, have been experiencing a whirlwind of change, a maelstrom of emotion and the unrelenting momentum that the planets seem to urging us to conceed, then you will also have felt the urge to let go of the shakles that bind.

 

It is a time for surrender, uncovering truths and learning the value of who we are...

 

I have for the last couple of weeks been clearing cupboards, discarding old books, CD's and DVD's that I have held on to for decades! I feel the urge to clear the corners of the rooms, to let go of all of the 'old' photos, pictures, momentos and general 'stuff' that I have held on to for so much of my life! 

That is not to say that I am anywhere near achieving this yet - it is a work in progress!

 

 

Yet I have found myself walking through this home that I had crafted over so many years - and looking at items that I have loved with a strange 'disconnect'. Wondering what it was that I have held on to, and if these items somehow define me, express me, or if indeed they constrain me?

 

Simultaneously come  the questions of who I am, what I need and what I want. 

 

I am reassessing who I have been and how I came to be where I now find myself.

 

21 years of marriage, 2 children of 20 & 15, a home I have poured myself into - and the lives of those whom I love, that have been integral to defining my own life for so long!

 

The potential of the breaking up of everything I thought defined me is a certain shape shifter of reality - and yet, within the crumbling consctructs of all of that, there is a glimpse of something new, awaiting to unfold.

 

A shaft of light falls across the dark hallway and falls upon the wooden figureen of Leda and the Swan that my parents brought me for my birthday.

She is beautiful!

Seemingly foreign to her lover, Leda seems somehow isolated in her fate - to become the mother of both mortal and immortal children, all of whom will continue to perpetuate the cycle of life and creation, death and destruction. She holds the key of life within her, bringing it to and through herself, only I sense that through this birthing of life, she becomes lost to herself, and there is a sadness - a mourning...

 

I sense my kinship with her, and with all women and mothers who have carried the weight of incubating and perpetuating the seemingly unending cycle of motherhood. It carries within it the most beautiful and most expansive heartfelt energy of unconditional love that a person can experience upon the planet. Simultanteously promising an end to the identity of self, through losing ourselves in the act of mother, wife, lover; or through the act of 'loving' itself, where we can become 'lost', no longer recognising the boundaries between ourself and those we love, for they become us and we become them!

 

In all of these reflections of self, we are at once connected and severed, living and unliving, beginning and ending.

This is the joy and the pain of the feminine. We bring those external to us into the warm and welcoming bossom of home, of our bellies, and know as they enter that space, that we embrace them and prepare them and allow for them to move away - to venture out into the boundaries of their own lives.

 

As a wife, that was also the energetic principle that I embodied - always being present and creating a center point that allowed my husband to return. Whilst he had that centre - he was able to expand and fulfill himself within the consctruction of a career, an identity that he was able to forge in the definition of his own image.

 

And so I watched him become the full blown figure of all he wanted to become, and yet over those years lost the center of my own 'self'.

 

Now he says I am not the person I was when we met.

 

No! I am not...

 

As a woman, when all those parts of us that have seemingly defined us over decades are suddenly felt to be moving outwards, to be 'leaving', then it is undeniably our time to 'let go' and release all that 'has been' with gratitude and love.

 

But letting go is hard!

 

There are tears.

 

There are moments when corners are too full of memories, and the old skin feels so tight and snug that it does not want to shed, and letting go can feel like 'losing yourself'.

 

Elizabeth Peru this week assures me that we are all being supported in being able to experience a "beautiful energy to express yourself under".

She calmly confirms to me that I can "just be myself - that no-on else is watching or judging me"...

 

I can feel the sigh release from within me - the permission to just be me...

I wonder what that might be - how that might look...?

 

I bring myself back to where I am now.

For living in the past or the future is a fools game.

 

There is only now, and I know it is time to 'clear out what no longer makes my heart sing'

 

So here, today, everything I have been storing up - afraid to let go of, has permission to gently fly away...

 

Amongst the waves of release are moments of sadness and loss as I recognise the end of things past, then come moments of happiness and joy with the embracing of a new potential - of finding out who I am.

 

Just me...

 

My song...

 

 

 

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